I find that I am at a crossroads. I just finished reading a blog post which you can read here. It was written by my friend Nan. I commented on her posting that I thought the piece was beautiful. I also think about the timing. At this point in my life, I read her post about change. About people coming into your life and changing forever the path you follow.
You see, I am at a point where a life changing moment hangs in the balance of one decision facing me.
A little background. I am happily partnered to a beautiful man. This July will be 10 years that we have been together. In Gay years this would equal to about 1,000 years. I believe we can not help who we love or who loves us. In our situation, he is illegally in this country. Our time has come. He has been found out and will be deported sometime soon. Of course you can see my dilemma. Do I forge a new life with him in his home country of Mexico? Or do I part ways and seek to build a new life for myself here, in the USA? Do I split my time between here and there, working while I am here to support us over there? What do I do? Ten years ago, my life changed dramatically. I met the man of my dreams. Or at least it seemed(I think there's a song in there somewhere).
I jokingly told him I would gladly spend the next ten years in his country. But can I really promise that in good faith? There are other complications to this situation but too personal to divulge here. In other words, there are extenuating circumstances where it might be best to just split and go out separate ways. But my heart won't have any of that at this time. Only time will tell I guess.
Right now, I am sitting in our living room in our new apartment in our new hometown of Austin. A town I barely got to know but a town I am surely going to miss. We had high expectations of our move to Austin. We didn't know that by moving here we were setting in motion events that would change our lives forever. Literally!!
I feel my life is in limbo right now. I don't know which way to turn. I guess I will visit for a time down there and see if I can acclimate to my new surroundings. I have been there before and the experience was not a good one. I was sick the whole time with elevation sickness. I know this because on the bus ride back, as soon as I crossed the border, I was fine. Now this could of been all psychosomatic hence the need to return. So wish me luck and I travel this new leg of my life's journey. They say just plug your nose and jump on in. Well, get ready.
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3 years ago
Don't you think that if we had same sex marriage you could have gone to Immigration and be able to secure a permanent visa for him like the straights do? One more reason to be for legalizing same sex marriage.
ReplyDeleteI am a foreigner myself, I came here exactly 50 years ago under different circumstances but I know what you are going through.
Now imagine all your doubts and insecurities about moving over there, to what we foreigners face when we come here...and it is not always pleasant as there are many xenophobes out there.
I hope you resolve the problem with some reasonable outcome. My best wishes to you and your partner.
Something that was once said to me was, "Something will happen, or it won't." When I first heard this statement, I didn't get it. On the surface, it seems kind of obvious, and not in a helpful way. But my understanding is that every situation will come to something, with or without my struggling against it. I know that you love your partner very much, and Mexico would be such an adventure (although I don't know that I can advocate for any Americans moving there with how dangerous it's gotten). When I'm doing the yoga, I get quiet and attentive, and I can often hear the answers to my questions arise from the small, still place inside of me where wisdom lies. So let's do some yoga together. Know that you're okay right here in this moment and you don't have to make any big decisions right now. And I agree with the poster above that this is definitely an example of why gay marriage should be legal.
ReplyDeleteHi Billy:
ReplyDeleteIndeed, I love to. But first let me extend an invitation to do a guest post in my blog...subject to your discretion. It would be a great honor for me.
saludos,
raulito